Black Veil Brides Strap On And Plug In

A couple weeks back I came across a review of the Black Veil Brides that mentioned that they were equally influenced by emo, goth, and strip bands like the Crüe and LA Guns.

"Encased in makeup and black fabrics, Black Veil Brides appear like action figures crawling from post-apocalyptic wreckage abandoned on the Sunset Strip.  When they strap on and plug in, however, the focus shifts to BVB's sound: heavy on the Motley Crue and L.A. Guns metal signifiers with shattering emo breakdowns and billowing clouds of goth smoke."

Who writes these things? 

First of all, "when they strap on and plug in"!?  Yuck.

Second of all, I don't think I've ever heard a band's sound compared to another band that actually ended up sounding like said other band.  Of course I scanned the track list for a Matthew Wilder cover, in which case, BVB could actually sound EXACTLY like L.A. Guns.  Negative...at least none of the songs I know by Matthew Wilder, which is one, and arguably one too many.

Then there's the whole emo thing.  I've heard it was horrible, so I'm glad I was passed out through the 90's.  I can't imagine everyone running around all emotional screaming about feelings and shit.  In their defense, I would be pretty upset too if I had to sport a shaved bowl cut and only play in basements.

(Xshattered emo breakdownsX)

On top of all these descriptors, they throw goth in the mix for good measure.  In my experience, any band spanning more than two genres that isn't a wedding band is flirtin' with disaster.  I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by guys trying to get me to come see their bands..."Hey dude, why don't you come check out my band at Paladino's Tuesday afternoon?  We've got a really cool mix of rock, funk, groove metal, and even some smooth jazz."

"Unless you're Neil Schon, Jan Hammer, or a Schon & Hammer tribute band, no thanks."

So what do BVB sound like?  Well...

While I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, they sound a lot like Billy Idol to me...once he's strapped on and plugged in, of course.

Bass Gone Wild

Did you know that the dudes that modeled for the Carvin catalogs also put out music?  Crazy I know.  Sort of like the instruments that Carvin makes, their artists' records are pretty hard to come by.  Thankfully, You Tube has done a great job of breathing some life into the undead corpse of instrumental bass funk.

Before the first note rings out, I can always spot an incoming undead funk attack.  A couple things I have learned to keep an eye out for:

1 - Body Glove bracelets
2 - No sign of sleeves anywhere
3 - Bass trem

These undead creatures of funk may try to trick you from time to time by breaking one (or all) of these rules.  Case in point, this guy.

See how tricky these funkers can be?  I was all like "sweet, this dude's gonna kick ass on some Domino or Lick it Up."  But then he tricked me and before I knew it he funked my brains all to hell with some Randy Coven (of course Lock Nut pointed out that I wouldn't have been so funked up over it if I had actually read the disclaimer at the beginning).

While I'm not sure that Randy Coven ever appeared in a Carvin catalog, he really should have.

Then there's this whole other breed of uber aggro funker that seems to be angry at their own existence.  They not only try to funk up your brains, but they seem annoyed at the lengths they have to go to do it.

(Steve Bailey hates how much he practiced to funk so much @ 36:25)

In trying to make sense of such a funked up genre of music, I realized that it was actually pretty simple.  Instrumental funk bass is the musical equivalent of tits on a duck.  It's just weird and all wrong.