Black Veil Brides Strap On And Plug In

A couple weeks back I came across a review of the Black Veil Brides that mentioned that they were equally influenced by emo, goth, and strip bands like the Crüe and LA Guns.

"Encased in makeup and black fabrics, Black Veil Brides appear like action figures crawling from post-apocalyptic wreckage abandoned on the Sunset Strip.  When they strap on and plug in, however, the focus shifts to BVB's sound: heavy on the Motley Crue and L.A. Guns metal signifiers with shattering emo breakdowns and billowing clouds of goth smoke."

Who writes these things? 

First of all, "when they strap on and plug in"!?  Yuck.

Second of all, I don't think I've ever heard a band's sound compared to another band that actually ended up sounding like said other band.  Of course I scanned the track list for a Matthew Wilder cover, in which case, BVB could actually sound EXACTLY like L.A. Guns.  Negative...at least none of the songs I know by Matthew Wilder, which is one, and arguably one too many.

Then there's the whole emo thing.  I've heard it was horrible, so I'm glad I was passed out through the 90's.  I can't imagine everyone running around all emotional screaming about feelings and shit.  In their defense, I would be pretty upset too if I had to sport a shaved bowl cut and only play in basements.

(Xshattered emo breakdownsX)

On top of all these descriptors, they throw goth in the mix for good measure.  In my experience, any band spanning more than two genres that isn't a wedding band is flirtin' with disaster.  I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by guys trying to get me to come see their bands..."Hey dude, why don't you come check out my band at Paladino's Tuesday afternoon?  We've got a really cool mix of rock, funk, groove metal, and even some smooth jazz."

"Unless you're Neil Schon, Jan Hammer, or a Schon & Hammer tribute band, no thanks."

So what do BVB sound like?  Well...

While I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, they sound a lot like Billy Idol to me...once he's strapped on and plugged in, of course.

So You Think You Can Prog?

Lock Nut and I were salivating for more Schon & Hammer after the No More Lies track hit heavy rotation in the Blogmaoffice (shed).  After some digging, we were surprised to see that their two albums were out of print.  Thankfully, we were able to locate the entire catalog on Amazon.com, on some format called "compact disc" for the bargain price of $375.80.

Another place was selling Here to Stay for $349.01, but we're no fools...not that Schon & Hammer wouldn't be worth it...

When we took delivery, we couldn't wait to get a listen in.  Much to our surprise, compact discs aren't compatible with tape players.  After a quick trip over to Strawberries, they confirmed that compact discs were totally the new thing.  So after shelling out another untold amount of cash on a new compact disc player, we were finally ready to feast our ears on some more Schon & Hammer magic.

That's when we heard this...

Lock Nut and I thought we must have received a broken compact disc player, so we went back to Strawberries to get our money back.  The dude there told us that it was working fine and that what was coming out of the compact disc player was actually what was recorded on the Schon & Hammer compact disc.

Still in disbelief, we headed back to the Blogmashed to listen to Untold Passion, thinking that maybe there was a mistake when they manufactured our copy of Here to Stay.

Upon hitting play, we were assaulted with this, the aptly titled "Wasting Time"...

After wasting a bunch of our time with that track, it appeared that our compact disc player was on the fritz again.  Half the songs after that were missing the vocal tracks.  After yet another trip to Strawberries and another round of back and forths, the dude at Strawberries told us that the compact disc player was actually doing what it was supposed to, and in fact, there were no vocals on a bunch of this album's tracks.

Don't get me wrong, I am still a Jan Hammer fan.  He has written some kick ass instrumental stuff, except his kick ass instrumental stuff featured cool stuff like half naked chicks and jet powered helicopters...

So if its not a manufacturing snafu and our compact disc player is actually working properly, after pulling an all night brainstorming session, best Lock Nut and I can tell is that Jan's Tandy must have caught some virus during the recording session of these two records that also happened to infect the rest of Neil Schon's solo career.

For whatever its worth, all of us here at Blogmagogroxx are pulling for you, Neal.  Hope you get well soon!

My Sea-Doo Will Beat Getting Cross On A Yacht Any Day

If I ever bought a yacht, I would make sure that these two guys came with it.

Not only would it impress the skirts off the ladies, it would be totally functional too.  I mean, what if you got stuck out at sea with a stalled motor and a starter that shit the bed?  Kenny B (or whatever that soprano sax guy's name is) would sure come in handy...I mean, that motor ain't going to suck start itself.

Plus, I could finally ask Christopher what the hell he was running from in "Ride Like the Wind"...

Judging by the looks of his band, they must have piled up a crap ton of overdue library fees.

Back to boats...to be honest, the chances of me ever owning a yacht are about as good as my dust whip getting by one of those sniffer dogs coming back from Tijuana.  This is fine by be, because I'd rather be thrashin' on my Sea-Doo any day of the week over some boat that requires me to stick my pinkie fingers out any time I grab a drink.
 
Of course, whenever I'm wastin' waves on my Sea-Doo, you KNOW I'm crankin' out some Jan Hammer on my custom Sea-Doo hi-fi system.

Needless to say, I am a Jan Hammer fan, so when Lock Nut told me that he worked on a sweet collabo with Neal Schon, I nearly customized my under drawers.

I'm just glad they were able to finish the record before Neal figured out the sweet Audi 5k dropping off his girl each morning was the same one showing up at the studio in the afternoon.  Now that would have made for an awkward day of hit tracking!

Alright...I need to get my 'Doo mix tape updated  before I hit the waves this weekend.  This new track is sure to incinerate some bikini bottoms down there in the OBX!